I was really proud of how I set up my bathroom, except I had one problem, my bathmat- or rather the small towel I was using as my bathmat, it just did not fit in the space. So I just dealt with it, I would enter the bathroom, use it and feel a bit annoyed by the towel catching on things and just not working how I wanted it to.
Well, one day my friend came over, used my bathroom then went back in my room. I went in the bathroom after her and realised she had solved the problem I had been having and had been annoying me for weeks or more! Of course I asked her how she did it- aka figured it out… when all she did was change the orientation of the mat.
In hind sight it seems pretty simple- right? But I had thought I had done the best that could have been done and decided to simply live with the annoyance. While, this specific issue links back to a cognitive issue that I just recently found out I had- I learnt a valuable lesson from it.
Earlier this week I was reflecting on the concept of asking for help. I think it’s pretty easy to ask for help when it comes to delegation- something you know you could do but don’t necessarily want to do or can’t do in that moment. We do it with our families, coworkers and sometimes friends. But what about asking for help to see if there is a better way to do things? That might be a bit more challenging if you are like me, and thought you did the best that could be done. One day I woke up and decided I’m going to stop trying to figure it all out on my own, and simply seek out persons whose strengths and experiences can make my life more efficient and easier. Sometimes this can feel like a cop out right? Because, now it just seems like I don’t want to do the work to ‘figure shit out’- wrong. I don’t look at it that way.
The truth is I didn’t just wake up and decide one day, I actually realised I had been doing it subconsciously after I spent some time in contemplation. I have taken a bit to philosophy and like Aristotle’s views on contemplation, and decided its also something I’d like to do. It reminds me a lot of how to view emotions, particularly those that are traditionally thought about as negative- such as regret, envy and sadness. Contemplation, to me, says to look at life, experiences and moments and examine them, what could have been better? What can I learn for next time? This reminded me a lot about examining regret… just without all the ugly feelings associated with it.
I had a huge breakthrough with regret, I have always been a #noregrets type of girl, but when I heard about the real benefits of feeling and examining regret I leaned into it. It was an uncomfortable experience but boy did it yield some great rewards. I felt profoundly better AND it did exactly what it’s supposed to do- help you make amends and/ or help you to know what you would do in a similar situation. I got thrown into a similar situation I had regretted previously and instead of repeating my mistakes and declaring YOLO, I recalled my lessons and acted accordingly- feeling much better and experiencing no regret.
So what does this have to do with asking for help? I kind of went off on a tangent there!
Why should we try to figure it all out on our own, when there are others who have done it before us? I have been exceptionally stubborn, exclaiming it is my love of being a problem solver that limits me from asking for help. That’s a pretty bullshit reason and I have no idea why I’ve stuck to it. In my experience, I have felt exceptionally better seeking help to solve my problems, than spending time being frustrated and telling myself I don’t need help. I’ll give an example:
I love to sew, one of the reasons I like to sew is because it’s like a puzzle and you get to wear this cool thing afterwards. I rarely sew though because I never get to that end point and instead feel frustrated, annoyed and completely exasperated by the end of it usually leaving a pile of wasted material and hours… heck sometimes days. One day, I decided I wanted to make my own bathsuits. I remember saying to myself, let me find a tutorial and let me follow it to the T. I still had the feelings I was seeking- a challenge and problem solving but guess what? I also got a great garment at the end! I even video’d the process on TikTok here’s the other one.
I have no idea why I felt like watching a tutorial would feel like cheating and make me be less proud of the work I had done…. When since did the amount of hardship, frustration and struggle equal to how good we’d feel at the end?
Since realising this, I have decided to be more intentional with how I go about solving my problems, learning how to do new things and achieving my goals. There are persons and resources out there who can help us achieve our goals because they have already done the figuring out, and it doesn’t make the success at the end any less valuable, but instead can result in more efficiency, less wastage and guess what…. Better results.
I have taken back up drawing and was very much against watching or reading tutorials and even using references, while at the same time wanting to be better at drawing portraits, eyes and hands…. Maybe now, with this new lease on life and goal achieving I can finally draw as well as I want to, and feel less frustrated by simply following a step by step tutorial…. The truth is I’ve already seen the benefit after using a reference and following a TikTok eye drawing tutorial… who would have thought….
So, with that, I’m done trying to do it all on my own. Asking for help doesn’t take away from my achievements, but from what I’ve found, have really only enhanced them. I’m looking forward to all the things I can now do with a little help from friends, family and the internet!
Love,
Samantha
