July 22, 2021 was the first time I ever met my current therapist, I was nervous but determined to restart. I quit in 2018 after having opened a box within myself I simply wasn’t ready or willing to face, three years later I was determined to try again. I would be lying if I said I came to this decision on my own, encouragement from friends and finally admitting that I didn’t like who I was, or who I was becoming was enough for me to finally take the plunge. I asked a new friend, who was also a therapist, for a recommendation. At this stage we had only been friends for a few months- we hit it off and are still going strong to this day.
At any opportunity I get I speak about the positive impact therapy has had on my life, we have reached and surpassed the stage I was at when I quit. I think I’ve stuck to it this time around because I’ve decided to face myself and my challenges and I’ve found someone who offers me the level of support, compassion and patience I need. I trust my therapist through and through, and even the most shameful things I’ve been able to admit, share and work through.
I want to share with you some of my major lessons and wins during this year of therapy!
You have to give yourself permission
One day I spoke with my therapist about my dreams, wondering what they meant. The dreams were concerning to me because they were filled with anxiety, unsure feelings and sometimes scary. The themes in them remained constant. We started having a conversation about giving ourselves permission to let our subconscious not only work through our issues but bring issues to the forefront of our mind. I was having an internal battle with myself, because I wasn’t allowing myself to acknowledge the various problems I was having.
You are not alone
I don’t mean this in a cheesy way- my therapist has been a pillar of support for me. This past year has been filled with so many challenges, pain, tears and disappointment. The one constant is that no matter what happened I knew I wouldn’t have to deal with it alone and I would have support and the tools to do it. I’ve come to the other side having survived an emotionally turbulent year, doing things and making changes I never thought I would.
Be kind to yourself
I’m writing this on July 26, 2022, I had a long chat with a close friend I’ve known since 2017 earlier this morning and we shared with each other how proud we both were of each others journey. She told me very frankly that who I am today is light years away from the (insufferable) person I was in 2019. She told me she was proud to see that I had grown to love myself fully and completely. It was an emotional conversation, she is the first person to remind me to be kind to myself and correct me when I talk negatively about myself. I’ve tried at every instance to do so and it has made me a happier and better person.
Let’s go to some wins!
I am so much more focused now, I went to therapy needing help to “sort myself out” I was feeling very confused, unsure and frankly not very confident. It’s amazing after a year of consistent therapy sessions I’ve untangled the web of confusion and now have focus and clarity on the things I want in all aspects of my life.
I think that’s honestly my biggest win, it encompasses everything- those of you who know me and are reading this can read between the lines. I’ve been able to do things I never thought I could.
We are all works in progress. I am a work in progress. Recently I paused, took a step back to look at my own journey. I only realised it had been a year by pure buck ups! I definitely am not where I want to be yet, but I’m definitely not where I used to be! I am so proud of myself. Thank you all for being on this journey with me. Thank you to those who continuously encourage me and thank you to everyone of you who tell me they’ve seen the improvement- even before I did (do).
One year down and I’m ready to tackle a next!
Love,
Samantha.
