Funfact, I used to hate my parents! In the same way angry teenagers hate everyone, especially their parents. I don’t think I was ever the perfect child, and I’m definitely not the perfect child now! But, over the years and with growing up I’m not that teenager any more.
I don’t know when it changed, I can’t pinpoint the moment I stopped carrying a lot of anger and hatred in my heart. I wish I could pinpoint the moment that the switch flipped- maybe I could look back and use that moment as a lesson or hell- a template for all the other parts of my life that are hard, difficult and filled with fear, hatred and anger.
Saying I love you was always hard for me, because those aren’t words we play around with… but tonight when I decided to say good night to both my parents, I thought about what this meant to me and how much I had changed. I look forward to my mother telling me she loves me so much more than I love her every day… it has become a part of my routine, something that makes me smile and feel warm inside. I don’t dare let her leave or say goodbye without telling me she loves me. I’ve started getting excited for my father’s plantain porridge and appreciating the small acts of kindness he shows me in his own way.
In fact- If I’m honest with all of you, tears are welling at my eyes right now, because when did I reach here? When did I, not only climb, but get over this hill.
Now, I see my parents as humans, just like me and you. Filled with hopes, dreams, disappointments, challenges and their own mess of a life.
Someone said to me in disbelief “my mother is a whole person separate from me- can you imagine?” and they’re right.
These people, I don’t know them, not outside of being my parents who for so long I held to unrealistic standards… because that’s what children do. We don’t think of our parents as humans, as having flaws and making mistakes. No they are our superheroes, they are our idols… and when they hurt us it hurts more than 1000 bee stings.
I think, for the first time in my life, I’ve started to see my parents as people, just like you and me, with complex emotions, their own reasons and trying their best in their own way.
So no, I don’t hate my parents. In fact I love them very much.
Love,
Samantha.
