In Jamaica we say “What is fiyuh cyah be unfiyuh” basically translating to “what is for you will always be for you”… lately I’ve been thinking about the reverse, what isn’t for you will never be for you, and how it can be a blessing in disguise.
Yes a blessing.
For those of you who know me, maybe you can read between the lines and the parables and know the exact moment these ideas- hell- lessons became present in my mind… for those of you who don’t you won’t be missing out on much!
I’ve learnt that in life, until you learn the lesson meant for you, you will be thrusted into situations over and over again until you learn them, this is why it is so important to not be stubborn- yes I’m talking to myself. Life lessons are often painful, bittersweet but jam-packed with growth, opportunities and sometimes even pockets of happiness. It makes almost no sense to bend and bend trying to fit into boxes that aren’t made for us, for a very long time I didn’t think this was what I was doing. I thought everything was this hard.
There’s a difference between a challenging situation and a situation that is just not for you, sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference. I have always been a “got’s to see it through my boy” type of girl, which has burned me, made me learn things the hard way and frankly caused a lot of pain, trials and tribulations. I think most importantly it wasted valuable time. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, hindsight is always 20/20, and when you’re in the middle of a problem sometimes you’re just too close to see what it really is- not for you.
Well friends, how do we move away from this? How do we find valuable nuggets in “what isn’t for you will never be for you” and when do we learn to move on? The way we all do it, the easiest but most times inefficient and painful way, is to basically go at it until we can’t go at it anymore- ignoring all the red flags and warning signs. Many of us won’t learn from those lessons and identify the patterns… for many of us, this is simply how we go through life and are sometimes like bulls in a china store- destructive, hurtful and difficult to tame.
That was me, I can’t even sugarcoat it, trying over and over and over to have something that was never mine to have, after a while you start asking yourself what’s the point… after a while you stop believing in the cause and yet- still try? Why? I don’t know- I haven’t examined that part as yet… but I’m almost sure it will come to me in a eureka moment, become clear as crystal and be another (hopefully) monumental part of my journey to a better me.
Sounds so corny, but I believe it.
The new me that has emerged, that finally sees the sunlight after being in darkness all this time has a new approach. I don’t want to be beaten down, down trodden, chewed up and spat out before I know it’s time to stop fighting for something that will never be mine.
I’ve started thinking about resistance, acknowledging, identifying and appreciating resistance. Life is filled with challenges, but I don’t think a challenging opportunity meant for you is filled with resistance. I don’t think it’s supposed to feel like you’re swimming upstream, against the current of your own life. For everything that has never been meant for me, and has become a painful lesson to learn, has always felt like I was fighting myself, swimming against my own life current and trying to make a square block fit into a circular hole. While, things that are challenging but for me… have never felt this way.
The hardest thing might be identifying the difference… I’m working on that. What I will say though, is I’ve gotten better at it, actions from this week alone have proven to me that I’m getting better at learning when to pivot, adjust and even exit.
This is a work in progress, but it will come to me… simply because I am open to knowing and I’m ready to accept. When it comes to me, I will share it with you all.
Love,
Samantha
