One day I called a good friend of mine with tears blinding me while I drove home and said “I’m crying, can I talk to you- no judgement?” She said yes and the frustration, insecurity and fear came out through the floodgates.
I screamed “what is the point? What is the point of being happy or content if as soon as I get them it goes up in flames? What is the point of trying new things if I keep getting the same results? Why should I bother to try?”
This wasn’t the first time I thought this, every time life is going well, or I find peace, joy or happiness there is this looming feeling that it’s all going to go up in flames… and it usually does. At this point I don’t know if it’s self sabotage, manifestation or just how life is!
So is it really to, like the saying goes, have had love lost than to never have had loved at all? Is it worth it to feel happiness and lose it- sometimes over and over again?
For a good amount of my life I’ve been resilient. Like a puppy that your kick but keeps coming back to be petted… Trying over and over again to achieve happiness, joy and love.
I admit, those moments feel great, but I haven’t decided if those fleeting moments are worth the aftermath when you lose it.
Anyways, life goes on and everything passes.
Merry Christmas!
Check out this IG video I made on this topic.
Samantha
